Category Archives: In The News

I’m Not That Hungry, I Will Be In The Bathroom…

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Bathroom Fuck

We will be right back…

I think every guy has had that fantasy of being at the bar/club and taking a girl into the bathroom to bang.  It’s crossed my mind several times while dancing and drinking the night away.  A restaurant in Toronto is really expediting the process, in fact they are advocating and promoting the notion.  Mildred’s Temple Kitchen is hoping that people will come to the restaurant on Valentine’s Day and take a spin in their sex-friendly unisex bathrooms.  The beauty of it all: this is totally legal.  Toronto Health Dept. officials cannot put a ban on the promotion, as long as the bathrooms are kept clean; so it is a greenlight.  I may have to book a flight today and fulfill my lifelong dream of having bathroom sex, even if I have to go north of the border it is worth it.

Strip Clubs: Helping The Third World One Dance At A Time

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Stripper

Strippers Save Haiti…

‘Stripping For Haiti’.  That has a nice ring to it, right?  It’s very philanthropic to say the least.  That is exactly what one strip club in Toledo, Ohio, is doing.  I think it really demonstrates forward thinking.  I read this article and could not stop thinking about how great of an idea this was for multiple reasons.  Strip clubs images are bad, plain and simple.  Many people frown upon them and associate them with filth and vulgarity (I staunchly disagree).  What better way to change your image in the community than to have a fundraiser for the Haitian Earthquake victims.  Actions like this can help save the planet and on a side note I think it will not be too long before we have an entirely eco-friendly strip club somewhere in the states.  This is just the beginning, start with fundraisers and eventually the strip club will be the place to go for all of your organic produce.  It’s not that far fetched.  One thing did piss me off tremendously however, apparently lap dances are illegal in Ohio; what the F?

One More Minute Officer, I’m Nearly Done…

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front seat fuck

Aussies know the drill…

This guy is the MAN!  Unfortunately Australia is so far away that it took me an extra day to find this story.  Nevertheless I give you an amazing piece of news.  A 29 year old man in Australia was having sex in his car at a gas station, he is spotted by some eye-witnesses who dial the police, but he just won’t stop fucking.  That’s right.  Police respond to the call and ask the man to stop, he refuses and continues to bang it out.  This guy deserves a couple of high-fives and a beer, naturally; but this lady riding him in the front seat, she should get some kind of medal or shopping spree or something extravagant, right?  When you get the urge…sometimes you need to satisfy it.  The best part about this story is that it appears the young man finished.  No one should be arrested with a nasty case of blue-balls, it’s just unacceptable.

“Believe Me, It’s 13 Inches Long…I’ll Show Ya”

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Big John Edwards

Vote for me, my dick is huge…

Word on the street: John Edwards has a monster dong.  This coming after reports of a sex-tape he made with his adulterous counterpart, Rielle Hunter, surfaced.  I love it.  Not only did this guy cheat on his wife and deceive millions, but he documented it, like any moron would in that situation.  Toss all of the accolades out of the window, strip the mantle of every honor bestowed upon you, John; and simply place the DVD above your fireplace.  You have entered into that uncertain realm of ‘man, that’s crazy’ and ‘this guy is truly a douche’.  Not many can pull it off, but you seem to tackle the difficulties with remarkable precision and that dreamy Carolina smile.  I guess the old ‘sneaky politician’ moniker is still safe for a while.  Back to the sex-tape though, intriguing, right?  Rumors are swirling about Edwards’ member and its porn-like stature.  If it’s as big as the reports are indicating, it may need its own separate story.  This guy needs an E True Hollywood Story, yesterday.  I don’t even think he has to agree to it, just whip something together E Channel.

This Is One Way To Avoid That Hefty Cover Charge

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Horny and pissed off…

This story is amazing.  A goat broke down the glass doors at a strip club in California and tore the place apart while the club was closed.  This is unprecedented in the strip club world; I am referring to the destruction, not so much the goat’s presence.  I certainly don’t think this is the first time a goat has been inside of a strip club, I am not that naive to believe a goat has never been on the stage of a strip club in Greece or West Virginia.  But why did this little guy get so enraged?  Perhaps we will shall never know.

Some minor research into goats this morning led me to the following: goats like pussy, a lot.  I suppose that isn’t much of a surprise.  To me, the most alarming part of this story is that the strip club was closed!  That is the real crime here, and the owners of this establishment should be locked up.  I have a message to all of the strip club owners out there in the world: Never close your doors, because a horny goat may want a lapdance at 5 a.m. and it just ain’t right if you don’t accommodate him.  If you need more persuasion, how about the prospect of having your club destroyed by the goat out of pure anger…

Sex And Golf: They Go Together Like…Okay, Maybe Not

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Tiger

Tiger Tiger Woods y’all…

Tiger Woods’ plight is far from over.  Tyler’s Wood is being released by Adam & Eve Pictures exclusively through their video-on-demand feature.  I would bet the house that Tiger watches it, right?  He clearly digs sex, I would even bet that he had his agents inquire about a possible starring role in the film.  I wonder how that conversation went down.  Tiger most likely telling them something like, “Hey, can it get any worse? Let me do some acting”.  I am all for it, the guy is clearly a stud and the movie would generate a boatload of money.  If I was Tiger’s agent I would have made sure that he got the lead, especially with all of those endorsement dollars drying up.  In the meantime, I heard that Tiger checked into a prominent ‘sex rehab’ facility.  That seems like the kind of place where amazing things could happen…I’m just sayin’.

My New Dildo: It Starts The Car And Walks The Dog

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What the Fu...

Be Afraid…

Vibrators are getting out of control.  The modern dildo looks like it could get you off, do your grocery list, pack the kids lunches and take out the trash.  I am legitimately scared.  Look at that thing, seriously, it seems more like a vital piece of the spaceshuttle than a pleasure tool.  When did the original dildo become so antiquated?  They still use wood bats in major league baseball, I’m just saying…

That is half thigh-master, half ray-gun.  It might be a prop from a post-apocalyptic movie, set in the year 2071.  If I saw that on a store shelf, I would think it was the latest aerobics tool being pedaled on television in the wee hours of the morning for “3 easy payments of $19.95″.  I am willing to bet that it has a microwave feature with the popcorn setting and express cook options.  This whole scenario is eerily similar to the Terminator 3, and we all know the machines won…be careful.

Good Samaritan or What The Hell Were You Thinking?

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moolah!

Someone tell this guy to quit being so nice…

An Italian tourist, 72 year old Felicia Lettieri, left behind $21,000 in a New York City taxi cab.  The cash was inside of her ginormous old lady wallet, which she left in the backseat.  Let’s rewind this just a moment…she had 21 grand in cash?!  Was she visiting America with intentions of buying a human being and bringing him/her back to Italy?  Perhaps she came to stock up on fine American Made Goods.  Hardly, this lady is dangerous and I am concerned.  The slightly more shocking part of this story is that the Bangladeshi cabbie returned the money.  What on earth was he thinking; he could have returned to his mahalla and opened 13 clothing factories.  I cannot condone his actions, especially considering how lethal this old Italian broad is now that she has her 21 grand back.  This is a sticky story and I will be following it closely.  For the record, I am not a bad person, but 21 grand in the backseat of my cab…exactly.