Girl, What The Hell Happened To You?

Settled? I’m Not…

You may or may not remember a while back I put up a post about a lesbian highschooler in Mississippi who was banned from her prom. If you forgot, shame on you. Well she is back in the news because she was awarded $35,000 in compensation, plus legal fees. I am happy for Constance, she got a raw deal with the whole prom thing, but I can’t get over one aspect of the story. She really seems to have let herself go. I would have sought more money, a lot more. And for the life of me, I can’t really think of her doing anything else with the money besides hitting the drive-thru at KFC twice a day. I’m not trying to be a jerk, maybe I am, but have a little respect for yourself….or at least sue for more money because it’s obvious that this ordeal took it’s toll. Now, I know what you’re saying out there and I agree, $35,000 in Mississippi is like being a millionaire. This is true but that money won’t buy happiness, especially in Mississippi.

* For the record: I completely endorse a lesbian prom scenario…100%

Touch Them, It’s A God Damn Suicide Mission

This is pure, uncut, 100%, potent and lethal danger.  This woman will kill you.  It’s not a question of how, but when.  It is pretty damn obvious how she will murder you.  Look at those boobs, they are the size of life rafts.  Who on Earth was dating this woman?  More importantly, who are his friends?  They are clearly shitty friends for not warning him of the danger-zone he was entering.  I wouldn’t go in there unless I was wearing the iron scuba suit that navy divers wore in the 1940’s.  Her boobs are biological weapons.  This is truly an alarming video, it should be played to all 6th grade boys gym classes in order to prevent future disasters.

Blueberry, Bran, Banana Nut or Chocolate Chip

Someone in my office told me the other day that I had a Muffin Top.  Bullshit.  I am far from it and resent the notion that my midsection even slightly resembles this picture.  There are obviously places you can get away with a Muffin Top though, and kudos to those gals who wanna wear a top like this girl (pictured above).  She is in some kind of music store, maybe FYE or BestBuy, definitely somewhere south of the Mason-Dixon Line or west of the Mississippi River.  Muffin Tops are undoubtedly a geo-specific occurrence.  You won’t catch a Muffin Top on the corner of 42nd and Lexington in Manhattan, just ain’t gonna happen.  However, you might catch two Muffin Tops at the intersection of Main Street and Dale Earnhardt Drive.  That is a fact and I can produce pictures to prove my theory.  So I guess the Muffin Top will continue to thrive in certain regions and continue to be a staple at most Nascar events.  Muffin Top themed porn has yet to break through, but I have my hopes.

The 8TH AND 9TH CONTINENTS DISCOVERED…

Maxi_MoundsYes, that’s a certificate of authenticity…

These are the biggest boobs in the world.  If you don’t believe me just ask Guinness.  I will not argue with a book of world records, but I will pose this query: Shouldn’t she be in the book for something else too?

The answer is YES and the reason being she is the Most Dangerous Female on the planet.  I did a little research on this Maxi Mounds lady and what I uncovered was both ridiculously incredible and shockingly horrifying.  4 mysterious deaths surround Ms. Mounds and she has never been brought up on charges.  All were in the heat of the moment and classified as “accidental deaths”.  3 suffocated and 1 poor soul actually had a brain hemorrhage when Mounds swung around and hit him by mistake in the side of the head with her left breast.  Her boobs must weigh 27 lbs. each!  And don’t forget about the guys who went into that 10,000 foot crevasse between her boobs and never made it back.  You need more oxygen tanks in there than you would climbing Everest.  They just wanted an experience, never realizing it was like running the gauntlet.  NASA is currently working on a self propelled device to navigate the region between Mounds’ breasts but cannot create a sustainable wall thickness on the metal…it keeps imploding from the pressure.

Sweet and bubbly exterior, beware the dark abyss of cleavage mortality within.  She is currently traveling the country dancing and (accidentally) killing men…just stay away if she nears your city.  Rumor has it she rents studio apartments under her left breast and her right breast still has 3 condo units available, one of them right off the 6th fairway.

HUNGRY?

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Find me a guy that hasn’t fantasized about a “big girl” at least once in his life…find him yet, he is a liar!

Admit it, go ahead.  Everyone has had the urge to go big, perhaps too big sometimes (details of my trip to New Orleans are for another time).  Should there even be a limit though – these girls don’t care – they just want it bad.  All BBW Porn Network has a library that rivals Harvard’s, and it is a thousand times easier to use than the dewey decimal system.  Each and every one of these hefty beauties have three things in common: Big Bodies, Big Boobs and Big Appetites (Sex and Food).  All kidding aside, it is amazing to watch these girls perform because they are every bit as talented as your mainstream pornstars that grace the frontpage of every single website on the net.  40,000+ pics and nearly 600 videos will keep you entertained for an eon, whether you are a Chub for Chub guy or simply a standard issue Chubbychaser.

I implore you to grab a snack, maybe two snacks, and check the latest in BBW porn…this niche is growing (no pun intended) faster than China and there are so many sites where you can get top-notch Big and Beautiful girls doing everything from hardcore to solo.  Like I said in the beginning, if you have a friend that says he could “never be with a big girl”, slap him first, then send him to a BBW site.