Yes, that’s a certificate of authenticity…

These are the biggest boobs in the world.  If you don’t believe me just ask Guinness.  I will not argue with a book of world records, but I will pose this query: Shouldn’t she be in the book for something else too?

The answer is YES and the reason being she is the Most Dangerous Female on the planet.  I did a little research on this Maxi Mounds lady and what I uncovered was both ridiculously incredible and shockingly horrifying.  4 mysterious deaths surround Ms. Mounds and she has never been brought up on charges.  All were in the heat of the moment and classified as “accidental deaths”.  3 suffocated and 1 poor soul actually had a brain hemorrhage when Mounds swung around and hit him by mistake in the side of the head with her left breast.  Her boobs must weigh 27 lbs. each!  And don’t forget about the guys who went into that 10,000 foot crevasse between her boobs and never made it back.  You need more oxygen tanks in there than you would climbing Everest.  They just wanted an experience, never realizing it was like running the gauntlet.  NASA is currently working on a self propelled device to navigate the region between Mounds’ breasts but cannot create a sustainable wall thickness on the metal…it keeps imploding from the pressure.

Sweet and bubbly exterior, beware the dark abyss of cleavage mortality within.  She is currently traveling the country dancing and (accidentally) killing men…just stay away if she nears your city.  Rumor has it she rents studio apartments under her left breast and her right breast still has 3 condo units available, one of them right off the 6th fairway.