Read an article this morning about a married couple that is having issues. The wife wants sex all the time…that’s the marital issue. So, umm, what’s the problem? Is this husband for real? What an ungrateful bastard. He should be kneeling beside his bed every evening thanking God for the gift he was given. Wives don’t want to fuck, girlfriends do…everyone knows that. They fuck you so that you ask them to marry you, then the sex stops. This guy finds the diamond in the rough and he is claiming it to be an “issue” – buck up cowboy and do the rest of the married men out there a favor. None of them are getting ass. They used to, and then they got married…
Wanna be a cop in Indonesia? It’s always been a dream of mine, how about you? Well forget it if you’ve have your dick enlarged. There is a local technique that a lot of the islanders use to achieve the enlargement. They take the leaves of the gatal-gatal plant and wrap them around the penis. Apparently it turns your dick into a redwood tree. So, the beef that the police force has with the practice is that it acts as a nuisance during training. Imagine showing up to the police academy and the first question you are asked, “Have you tried giving yourself a horse dong? You’re outta here!” Way harsh man, way harsh.
Are you an ass man? I am, tits too, but I do have a soft spot in my heart for an amazing ass. A great butt is capable of rendering men speechless for hours at a time. Then when you finally regain the ability to speak, all you can do is discuss that perfect butt for the next day and a half. It’s a vicious cycle that most men eagerly welcome into their lives. The butt has an almost superhuman quality about it; one that I cannot pinpoint precisely. Perhaps I am too young still, and the comprehension of certain mysteries of the world are just not in my grasp yet. I will get there one day, no doubt. In the meantime, everyone should buy this book.
I interviewed Allie Haze yesterday and I am quite sure that I want to marry her. We chatted about her fiancee for a bit, I brushed it off, she is waiting for me. No joke though, she is about as cool as it gets and I think I’m in love. The interview will be posted very soon but in the meantime check out her profile. She looks a little like Tori Black…and if you know the blog then you are well versed on my affinity for Miss Black. But I think Allie Haze may have just taken the lead…and she knows what time it is in Australia.
This is pure, uncut, 100%, potent and lethal danger. This woman will kill you. It’s not a question of how, but when. It is pretty damn obvious how she will murder you. Look at those boobs, they are the size of life rafts. Who on Earth was dating this woman? More importantly, who are his friends? They are clearly shitty friends for not warning him of the danger-zone he was entering. I wouldn’t go in there unless I was wearing the iron scuba suit that navy divers wore in the 1940’s. Her boobs are biological weapons. This is truly an alarming video, it should be played to all 6th grade boys gym classes in order to prevent future disasters.
I’m not quite sure how to say this, but I think the expression is: I just jizzed in my pants. Carmella, Eva and Rachel battling over who will get the first blow. This is a recurring dream of mine that I am certain will come true one day as long as I continue to eat my vegetables and say my nightly prayers. Nothing yet…but I’m waiting.
Someone in my office told me the other day that I had a Muffin Top. Bullshit. I am far from it and resent the notion that my midsection even slightly resembles this picture. There are obviously places you can get away with a Muffin Top though, and kudos to those gals who wanna wear a top like this girl (pictured above). She is in some kind of music store, maybe FYE or BestBuy, definitely somewhere south of the Mason-Dixon Line or west of the Mississippi River. Muffin Tops are undoubtedly a geo-specific occurrence. You won’t catch a Muffin Top on the corner of 42nd and Lexington in Manhattan, just ain’t gonna happen. However, you might catch two Muffin Tops at the intersection of Main Street and Dale Earnhardt Drive. That is a fact and I can produce pictures to prove my theory. So I guess the Muffin Top will continue to thrive in certain regions and continue to be a staple at most Nascar events. Muffin Top themed porn has yet to break through, but I have my hopes.