Bailey Jay was cooler to chat with than all of my friends combined on a conference call. She even refers to herself in social settings as “a beer crushing frat guy”. I honestly could have chatted with her for an hour, just shootin’ the shit and talking about anything. I hope I cross paths with her sooner than later and we can catch up again. Enjoy the interview and remember, this chick rocks!
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There are still a few things in this dark and scary world that get my blood pumping. One of them is a stern kick to the junk, the other is MILF Week over at NaughtyAmerica. I know what you are thinking, MILF Week cannot be better than Shark Week…but it is. MILF’s pouring in from every single nook and cranny on the Internet, and it lasts a whole week! Trust me on this one, take the tour and see for yourself. MILF Week.
So, it looks like a German penis went missing. I know that sounds funny, but it’s true. A statue in the Bornstedt cememtery, put up in 2008, has a massive dong and apparently visitors found it offensive. The penis was hacked off and is now missing (they had to wait 24 hours to legally declare it). Police suspect the cemetery regulars grew sick and tired of it and launched a covert attack. I personally think some horny young German girl saw it one day and wanted it for her own. That’s not a crazy notion, considering how sexually enlightened the Euros are.
Just another reason to be freaked out by Bangladesh…
Female prostitutes in Bangladesh are using cow steroids in order to appear older and better fed. Okay, female prostitutes in Bangladesh are doing WHAT!? This is not only one of the more bizarre stories I’ve heard in weeks, but also so contradictory. I’m gonna try to break this down for everyone…okay. Bangladesh is riddled with poverty and starvation, so these whores are getting so skinny that no one wants to bang them. Are you with me so far? Okay, introduce Oradexon, a drug designed to fatten up cows. The Bengali whores are purchasing the drug to make their faces and bodies plumper and give off a more rotund vibe. This will undoubtedly increase business because no one wants to fuck a skeleton. The drug has become an alternative to food for these girls, and it costs about $1 for 100 pills. This seems like a sound plan, maybe the hookers of Bangladesh are potential Rhodes Scholars. Not so fast, the drug is for fucking cows! It causes heart disease, obesity, kidney failure, osteoporosis and it happens to be more addictive than crystal meth. Well it appears for the time being that brothels will continue to force-feed these hoes cow steroids, until their kidneys shut down apparently. One whore lost in the race to super-whoredom is nothing, think about the big picture for Bangladesh. It could be the land of the plump-faced prostitute, the envy of the world!
This is way beyond standard cameltoe, and I approve (big time). But it’s a hybrid camel for sure. Any bathing suit as thin as that will inevitably produce some kind of camel result, why not call it “foot”.
When I come across a picture as amazing as this one, I always feel compelled to share. Believe it or not, this is actually a new ad campaign for Nike. Ok, don’t believe it. But how fantastic is that body paint? I wonder if the people in the background knew it was body paint, or perhaps just another girl in a tank-top and jean shorts. That dude with the sunglasses is thanking his lucky stars that he decided to leave the house with his shades on. I know exactly where his eyes are pointing from underneath those blue-blockers. He is a wise man, and if we were to cross paths one day, I’d shake his hand and offer him a refreshment.
I think I’ll pass…
I came across something equally fascinating and disgusting. It’s a cookbook filled with semen-based recipes (fight the gag reflex). I’m not fucking kidding, it exists, and you can purchase one for your girlfriend’s birthday at the bargain price of $24.95 and have it on your doorstep in 3-5 business days. I’m not quite sure about the emotions rushing through me right now. On one hand, it is hilarious and makes for a hell of a gift. On the other hand, it is really being put to use by someone in a kitchen somewhere. They have a counter-top filled with flour, baking soda, sugar, vanilla extract and semen. One recipe, for meringue, simply substitutes ‘cream of tartar’ for ‘cream of man’, I am not making this stuff up folks. If someone ever tried to serve me a Banana-Walnut-Semen Muffin, I would look them in the eyes, with my serious face, and say “you take the first bite.” While they struggle with the first bite (because it’s fucking semen) I would slap them in the mouth and run. I guess I don’t really have to flee the scene, but it has more effect.
Big Red Dream…
I read an article that stated Irish women were the most fertile in Europe. This is interesting news, considering one of my life goals is to bang a ginger. Firecrotches fascinate me. My search has been ongoing for quite some time now, and I fear it may be coming to an unsuccessful end. The article really made me ponder my life goals. Should banging a ginger be that high on my list? The answer is yes, undoubtedly. Then I thought: I should marry a ginger and start a family. They are so fertile I am guaranteed some babies. But then I thought even deeper. Do I want to bring a redheaded kid into this world? The answer is no, undoubtedly. The potential scrutiny that kid would face makes me shudder with fear. What is the lesson here? Bang a ginger, don’t procreate. Class dismissed.