There are still a few things in this dark and scary world that get my blood pumping. One of them is a stern kick to the junk, the other is MILF Week over at NaughtyAmerica. I know what you are thinking, MILF Week cannot be better than Shark Week…but it is. MILF’s pouring in from every single nook and cranny on the Internet, and it lasts a whole week! Trust me on this one, take the tour and see for yourself. MILF Week.
it IS a sex-tape…
That crazy bitch from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Danielle, has a sex-tape. The whole sex-tape thing has really lost its edge though, don’t you think? I remember when the only thing on the block was Pamela Anderson getting impaled by Tommy Lee’s horse-cock. Nowadays it seems like every faux celebrity has one, and they use it to acquire more fame. This real housewife looks real nasty, wild and crazy…all of the right ingredients for a sex-tape with just one thing missing. Who the fuck are you? I can go to hundreds of “home-sex” sites on the interwebs and find tons of homemade porn. Why do I care to watch yours? It must be due to that riveting show you star in. If I come across bitter, it is because I am. That being said, I still think you all should watch the video and critique it, compare it to Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton. It is available through Hustler, follow this link.
Jesse Jordan is a very cool chick. I could have talked to her for an hour…not sure she would have wanted to, but I could have. She is one of the sweetest girls in the industry and I hope she comes to Miami soon and maybe we can chill. For the full transcript, follow this link.
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Big Red Dream…
I read an article that stated Irish women were the most fertile in Europe. This is interesting news, considering one of my life goals is to bang a ginger. Firecrotches fascinate me. My search has been ongoing for quite some time now, and I fear it may be coming to an unsuccessful end. The article really made me ponder my life goals. Should banging a ginger be that high on my list? The answer is yes, undoubtedly. Then I thought: I should marry a ginger and start a family. They are so fertile I am guaranteed some babies. But then I thought even deeper. Do I want to bring a redheaded kid into this world? The answer is no, undoubtedly. The potential scrutiny that kid would face makes me shudder with fear. What is the lesson here? Bang a ginger, don’t procreate. Class dismissed.
Boobies…
Who was the first jackass to tell a woman to cover her breasts? I know he is dead and gone but we should find his grave and dig him up, pee on him, then bury him again. What on earth was that man thinking? If anything: men should not be allowed to go topless in public, seriously.
Smile…
If you are within a 200 mile radius of Miami Beach, Fl – get your ass to Exxxotica, 5 minutes ago. This is your chance to meet all of those hotties you drool over constantly. No shame, I drool too. So get off of your ass and get on the Florida Turnpike or I-95 and head south. This really is a convention for the fans, and at Nude Reviews we love the fans more than any other site. You guys make the industry what it is and without you we’d have nothing. To the victor go the spoils…so go get your picture taken with Jayden James or Tori Black or any other amazingly hot girl from the adult industry. Remember, boners are encouraged and condoned there :p
Breanne Benson is smoking hot, she has an amazing body and a personality to boot. We chatted about everything, I even gave her an Albanian History exam! All quizzes aside, she is super cool and down to earth. I told her I like her better as a brunette, so be sure to check back at Nude Reviews for all the latest updates from Breanne…she is currently blonde. For now, at least! To read the transcript from the interview, click here.
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Happy Friday. I will most likely be drunk in about 2 hours, so what I am about to say at this moment is of the utmost important. Follow my footsteps, there will be plenty of porn to look at when you get back from the bar, or even tomorrow. It is the weekend. I want you to go bang some strange ass, super strange in fact. Get up in there and do the things they only write about…you know what I’m talking about. I have provided a glimpse (above) to give you a step in the right direction. And remember, if it looks dodgy, chances are that it probably is…just double-bag it.