The Breakup heard ’round the world…

Tera Patrick and her husband of seven years, Evan Seinfeld, have parted ways.  It is official…and now that huge rack is back on the market.  This really shouldn’t surprise anyone.  In fact I’m shocked they made it seven years.  I wish I knew more about the “porn marriage”…

It is almost something of myth…happily married couple working in the public sector together.  I picture a lot of these types of conversations in the driveway on a Monday morning:

Alexxx: Baby, can you pick up the kids from soccer practice

Bobby: Aw hun, I am doing an anal gangbang at 3:30 way on the other side of town

Alexxx: Oh crap, ’cause I have a deepthroat that will probably run late…

Bobby: I will try to be quick, maybe I can be slotted first, and duck outta there early

Alexxx: You are an amazing husband…don’t forget your lunch

Now I know Seinfeld was a rocker turned pornstar but it was still a porn marriage.  I need to elevate my mind and become involved in some of these amazing life scenarios.  Marry a big-name pornstar and backdoor my way into the industry.  That guy knew what he was doing and he had a hell of a run.  I salute you, musician turned cocksman…


naughty teacher

Imagine what the field trips must have been like…

An all-boys private grammar school in England apparently leads the way in the freeky department.  The Harvey Grammar School suspended a Phys-Ed teacher last week when evidence of his involvement in a gay porn site surfaced.  Cut this dude some slack…his profile on the website says he is straight!  He just doesn’t mind other men admiring his ripped biceps and sneaking peaks at his giant gym-teacher dong.  I’m cool with that…

Well the faculty and administrators, as well as the parents of students, are not too happy.  Sam Handley was suspended immediately and it looks like he is gonna get shit-canned.  The ironic thing is that this has happened at Harvey in the past.  They had a female music teacher appear topless in a 2006 issue of Cosmo.  She was subsequently fired, but she had been hired initially to replace a guy that was downloading porn onto school computers.  This place is amazing, forget London Bridge and Picadilly Circus, head straight for Harvey Grammar School next time you visit England.  They must put ecstasy in the coffee, these teachers are risque and I dig it.

Handley is claiming he didn’t do anything “pornographic”.  Yea, especially not in the picture where he is grabbing his dick while laying naked on a bed?!  Nothing “porn” about that image pal…just own up and take it in stride.  I personally  think he is a pioneer, having pics on a gay site and listing his orientation as straight in his profile…Ballzy, shows character.


criminal dildo

Try to take a dildo to Thailand…you will be shot in the face!

It blows my mind that you can’t bring a sex-toy into Thailand…but you can however find a 9 year old girl or boy on every street corner in Bangkok and do horrific things to them for 3 dollars.  Come on Thailand, lighten up!  I think it’s safer to bring sex-toys to Thailand than run the gauntlet of prostitution.  If I were packing for a trip to Southeast Asia I would bring the following…

1.) A Fleshlight (safer than a whore with “the clap”)

2.) A Flashlight (terrible electricity in that part of the world)

3.) Enough money to buy my way out of anything (100 bucks should do it)

flash a C-Note to a Thai local…instant Hollywood baby



Leave my wife, for her…let me think about it.

If my wife was awful…and a gorgeous woman approached me about having sex…you get the idea.  Who wouldn’t?  Does this make me a terrible person?  Do not answer those questions, it is intuitive and I know we are all on the same page.  I Have a Wife is a married man’s wetdream.

Naughty America is one of the best networks out there and this site has tickled my fancy.  It is a little over a year old but I came across it in my pornopedia (dirty version of Britannica).  Every married man has had that fantasy.  I’m not even married and I had that fantasy twice last week.  So I urge every knotted-man out there: CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE!!!  Just don’t get caught you idiot, and if you are really worried…stick to the internet fantasy version.  And remember,  the woman you cheat with on the internet will never make you take out the trash or fix the garbage disposal…major upside.



I got dibs on the dead guy’s porn collection…

Pretty sure that if I saw a dead body I would freek out.  In fact I know I would.  But some people don’t seem to mind a corpse just chillin’ in the living room.  A woman in Texas was arrested the other day for stealing pornography and coins from a dead man.  She is claiming the porn collection belonged to her and that the man never paid her for it.

Let me get this straight…not only did she steal a dead guy’s porn collection, but she took some pocket change too.  This chick should fry, which is a real possibility in Texas.  I was pulled over for going 38 in a 35 zone outside of Dallas, I nearly got the gas chamber.

I am making 2 new rules:

Rule 1: When old men die they get to take their porn collection to the pearly gates (non-negotiable).

Rule 2: Don’t just assume that coffee is free in Heaven…leave a man his 85 cents in case God charges for a latte.


i'm VIP

Reality does NOT bite…

The good ole boys down at Reality Kings should be inducted into the porn hall of fame.  I mean how many damn websites are in their network.  The number is 27, and all of them are amazing!  They are offering HD porn, remember the first HD football game you saw??  Yea I came in my pants too…exactly.  Killer porn, better talent, funny and interesting scenarios – this network is bigger and better than Oprah.

In The VIP is actually a detailed video-log of my nights out on the town.  I know my face is hard to make out on camera, but seriously, it’s me.  Okay I’m lying…But come on now, would that not be the most amazing club experience ever!  You’ve all met that chick at the club who would not stop grinding you.  I know I have, got home one night and my dick had heat-rash.  What if you could just bang her inside the club?  Right on the sofa in the VIP lounge and save the trouble of getting digits or telling your friends that your penis has got an indian-burn.

And one last high-five for RK.  This one is for the MILFHunter, that guy should be on the lecture circuit by now telling his lifestory to underclassmen across the nation…