Be Afraid…

Vibrators are getting out of control.  The modern dildo looks like it could get you off, do your grocery list, pack the kids lunches and take out the trash.  I am legitimately scared.  Look at that thing, seriously, it seems more like a vital piece of the spaceshuttle than a pleasure tool.  When did the original dildo become so antiquated?  They still use wood bats in major league baseball, I’m just saying…

That is half thigh-master, half ray-gun.  It might be a prop from a post-apocalyptic movie, set in the year 2071.  If I saw that on a store shelf, I would think it was the latest aerobics tool being pedaled on television in the wee hours of the morning for “3 easy payments of $19.95″.  I am willing to bet that it has a microwave feature with the popcorn setting and express cook options.  This whole scenario is eerily similar to the Terminator 3, and we all know the machines won…be careful.