Monthly Archives: October 2009

I Studied Abroad for a Year…

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Eurotrip XXX

So what if I have 6 kids in 4 countries…

There’s a place in France, where the naked ladies dance.  Okay don’t act like you didn’t just sing the song when you read that.  That is a classic tune and I have several renditions in my iPod.  Europa, as the Europeans say it, is an amazingly erotic continent.  I think in the States we have this notion of Europe being a hedonistic jigsaw puzzle connected by sex trains and tiny cars.  Well that is exactly what it is…

I have been to Europe three times and I am planning on going back again next spring.  I’m checking one piece of luggage, my dick.  Euro-girls are way more sexually enlightened than the average American college chick.  I don’t wanna knock sorority girls, because I have had some amazing visits to the Arizona State campus.  But European girls are the way to go, it’s a fact.

Each and every reader here today should check this website out…get a little taste of Europe, from the Saucy Spanish to the delectable Eastern European treats, they are all scrumptious.  Eurofoxes has every European fantasy one can dream up, and they are all based off of real encounters.  I can verify at least 85% of the video scenarios on the website from personal experience.  Some legality issues forced the other 15% to remain off the site…

I Know What I’d Do for a Klon-Dyke Bar…

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scissors

Lesbians shall inherit the earth…

Remember the first time you saw two girls kiss…probably at a party and you looked around to see if anyone else got a chubby?  Imagine that scene on steroids…the girls go from an innocent kiss to full blown lesbian sex, with slapping and pulling and scissor-fucking.

That is basically what you can expect at Hot and Mean.  Pure, hardcore, unbridled, lesbian sex.  Just like Grandma used to make…sorry I know that was gross.  Okay, just check it out and I promise you won’t be disappointed.  Besides, it is a new site from Brazzers and they have yet to let me down.  I may even name my first son (that I know about) Brazzer…he will be set for life.

Please leave me a comment if you know anything about the origin of the “Scissor-Fuck”.  It has to be Asian, just look at it from an ergonomic standpoint.  And there is no way in hell some backwoods couple in Montana decided on a whim to start rubbing vaginae together.  I can buy into an ancient Chinese secret or a Japanese myth from the 4th Century…a wise philosopher from the Hunan Province utters to his pupils:

“when vagina lips touch other vagina lips, legs look like scissors; the harvest will be joyous and plentiful”

The aftermath of this profound statement is well documented in History texts.  A majority of scholars credit this proverb for the beginnings of the Silk Road, the formation of the Mongol Empire, and the rise of Mao Zedong.  I don’t just spew porn all day, come back for another History lesson anytime and I will be glad to lecture some more.  Class dismissed.

Fire Drill…

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The monthly Sprinkler System tests took place in the office this morning…happy to report that everything is in perfect working order and we can expect to get back to work momentarily!

Holla at Ya Boy!

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ninamsplatinum1

No, thank you…I take my booty with malt liquor actually…

I cannot think of anything more amazing than a huge ass covered in malt liquor.  It is a spectacle and I recommend you get yourself some frontrow seats and enjoy the show.  The ghetto-fab divas at 40 oz. Bounce have more ass than a donkey farm and my head exploded twice the first time I visited the site.  Who is the genius behind this splendid showcase of hootchie-booty, lets get him set-up for reelection.  Oh, he’s not the President of the World!  Hogwash, pure hogwash…

I am not afraid to admit it…I would love to pour a 40 oz. bottle of Malt Liquor onto the backside of a big, black ass.  Just don’t forget to smack that ass, or else you have not appropriately performed the intended actions derived from the website.  Better yet…Check it out, get a tutorial from liquor-pourin’ ass-slappin’ experts, and then get out there and give it your all!  You have not truly lived until an entire bottle of Malt Liquor has been wasted on a big bare ass.  Get crackin’.

“I’m Fuckin’ Wasted Man”…Yea pal, We Know.

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That guy...

Take it easy fella…

Great night last night. I returned to my roots and hit up a college bar.  Admittedly nervous as I approached the line to get in, but one glimpse in the reflective window on the street and I knew I was golden.  There are certain measures that must be taken when heading back to a college bar…especially when you are 25 and over.  I have prepared a list containing the 10 most important things to do when facing this type of evening.  Pay close attention, just like when you were an undergrad…and I promise you will get more action than any guy at the bar.  Now go, study…

1.) Never ever tell a girl you are leaving early because you have to work tomorrow. EVER!  You stay out late because you are a stud who doesn’t care about a little hangover…

2.) Shave the morning of…and again before you go out that night (JFK did it for his Nixon debate, practically won the election right there).

3.) Use Caution if you wear flip-flops…cool in the mirror at home but a dead giveaway at the bar for a dude in his late 20’s.

4.) If you do leave the bar with a girl…DO NOT PULL OUT A CONDOM!  Were you watching a sex-ed video last night idiot?

5.) Cargo shorts stay in the dresser…forever.

6.) Be sure to tell a girl at the bar that “I just finished a one-year graduate program at Pepperdine…but all I did was surf”…and that you may take a job with a firm “downtown” but since your only “23” , why rush?

7.) Smoke a cigarette, seriously just one, to remind her that you are still a classic college social smoker when you drink…because you love to fuckin’ drink!

8.) This one is very important…still talk like you are an undergrad.  “I hate walking to the science building” as opposed to “I hated walking to the science building”.

9.) If that awful Asher Roth song comes on, the one about loving college…you sing that song til your larynx has a seizure!

10.) Lastly, be yourself and don’t ever let anyone make you change into something you don’t wanna be…fuck that, lie about your age and get on a sophomore!

Zoom In…

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webcam girls

She’s got sunshine on a cloudy day…My Cam-girl!

I love naked amateur girls on web cams.  This is not exactly a profound statement but I will repeat it.  I love naked amateur girls on web cams.  Okay I’m good now…

Naked.com has the best cam girls in the Universe.  There might be a legitimate web cam outfit in another galaxy that I don’t know about.  But around these parts, Naked runs the show.  After a few hours of cam time I can fully appreciate the web cam fascination.  One-on-one is priceless and hard to find…at least for a good rate.  The other amazing feature about web cam porn is the feeling that you are shooting it.  Easy killer, you know what I meant.  I’m serious though, I feel like I am directing a film via the chat box…

“No sweetheart…your ass has to go higher in the air…there ya go baby, now put that dildo in there”

Another beautiful thing about web cam is the realization that you may actually come across someone you know.  That would blow my mind!  Think about it, some of these cam girls are probably locking themselves in their bedrooms while mom and dad cook dinner.  My next web cam experience will start with me asking the girl what’s on the menu tonight.  I know she will play it cool and pretend like she has her own place.  But I know the truth!  If that bedroom door opens…I would see a family portrait, a Labrador retriever and a little brother holding a tootbrush.  When I stop and think about it all though, it actually makes the whole web cam thing even sexier.  Cams rock, Naked rocks and you too can rock…or at least catch a sick cam show.

I Think I Saw My Girlfriend on the Bangbus…

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8

Nope, it was just my buddy’s girlfriend…

This has happened to the best of men and will continue for years and years.  I too once thought I saw my girlfriend on the Bangbus, but fortunately I was mistaken.  You know what though, even if I saw my girlfriend on the bus I would still date her.  Hell, I’d be proud of her.  There are a lot of girls out there dreaming of the day the bus rolls down their block…

The Bangbus is a powerful machine that commands respect.  I think in a shootout scenario, the bus would beat the DeLorean from Back to the Future.  And everyone knows that was the most amazing vehicle ever seen on earth.  A time machine on wheels that takes you anywhere…or a bus that picks up chicks and bangs them in the backseats…the winner is THE BUS!!!

If you ever see the bus cruising through your town, throw them a wave.  Please, never ever throw out the “arm-pull truck driver horn honk” gesture.  This “rookie mistake” will only infuriate the whole crew on the bus and they will spend the rest of the day finding your girlfriend…and trust me they will, just ask my old roommate Mike.  Any sweet gal strolling down the street is a potential passenger on the Bangbus, and it’s the only public transportation in town that pays you to ride…

Chart a Course to the Unknown…

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exploration

You really crack me up…

Close-ups are phenomenal, in any forum.  I like sitting behind home-plate, court-side at a basketball game, against the glass at the ice rink or in pit lane at Nascar.  The closer I can get to the action, the closer I can get to God…okay I’m kidding but I’m sure the almighty would appreciate the close-up quality of In The Crack.  The best way to get up close and personal with a girl…tell her you wanna do a cartographic experiment on her pussy and if she gives you trouble, just tell her the girls at this site do it all the time.

I enjoy the finer things in life as I am sure you’ve noticed through my past entries.  Summers in the Hamptons, winters in the Bahamas…and kinky ass pussy play with all kinds of nasty gadgets.  The girls at In The Crack blew my mind and it is some of the best video and pic sets on the net.  I take my job very serious, and I wouldn’t dare lead my readers into certain cyberspace doom.  When I throw you a bone I can assure you it has intention.  My intent here is simple, go watch a bunch of hot girls wielding toolboxes full of sex equipment worship each others sacred burial grounds…