Monthly Archives: November 2009

Cirque de Webcam…

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webcam glory

I’mLive.com rules the camiverse…

I am a webcam junkie, but after logging 33 hours of private webcam sessions with girls from all around the globe, I have concluded that none of them can do a cartwheel.  Maybe I am unique, but I don’t waste my time with the usual “hey, put a finger in your butt” or “yell my name baby” webcam exchange.  These lovely gals operate in a bedroom or office, and I can’t help but think of how amazing it would be to see one of them do a cartwheel for me.  Webcam is hot, and I am a huge advocate, but the cam-girl who cartwheels for me, she is the winner.  33 hours of cam, barking orders at these girls, nearly every demand answered, except the cartwheel request…until now.  I present, with much jubilation: I’mLive.com

This site is no secret, it is however the tits!  Millions know it, and now all who read this blog will know where to go to find cartwheeling cam-girls from far reaches of the world.  It was a Wednesday morning, around 9:30.  And don’t sit there reading this and say, “why was he on a cam site so early?”  Porn doesn’t sleep, we all know that, so don’t try to play it all cool on me.  Back to ImLive…a young Colombian gal with huge boobs was doing just about anything I could think of, and she did it all with a smile on her face.  Her English was spectacular, so I gave it a shot…

Me: Can you do a cartwheel for me?

Roberta de Colombia: What? heheh

Me: A cartwheel, flip sideways. Do you know it?

Roberta de Colombia: Yes I know, are you serious?

Me: Like a Spanish Conquest

Roberta de Colombia: hehehe, ok Papi!

* A cartwheel came next, finally.  It had been weeks, nearly a month, and I thought I would never see my dreams come true.  This girl was in a bedroom no bigger than a port-a-potty, and she pulled it off.  I leaned back in my chair and smiled, like an owner who just watched his team win the World Series.  It was the crowning achievement of my webcam career.  It was like a webcam grandslam and a hole-in-one rolled together.  Some would say that I ought to retire now…never.  There cannot be just one girl out there capable of cartwheeling on webcam, there are more, and it is my life’s work to find them, my destiny I’mLive.com

Don’t be Wallet-Condom Guy…No One Likes Him

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condoms

Rubbers…

What’s the protocol on condoms.  I am always a bit lax on this situation because I still think a guy carrying around a condom in his pocket is a guy who is not getting laid that night.  Heat of the moment, passion ensuing, and she says, “do you have a condom?”  Of course you do, but you are gonna look like you knew you were getting action.  That makes her a slut in her own eyes, my friend, and you are officially in the doghouse.

Here are just a few ideas, fellas.  Start by constantly trying to be at your place when the evening hits the wee hours.  Think about it, condoms in your nightstand drawer look normal.  A lot different than than the alternative, aforementioned scenario; the one where she has the realization that you were walking around with a condom in your pocket all night because you thought you were getting laid for sure.  There is always the feeler, too.  I call it the feeler for two reasons.  One, you feel her out for potential unprotected sex, based upon several factors like alcohol consumption and outfit selection.  Two, you literally feel her out with the tip of your penis.  Risky, I don’t think so.  I have played ‘just the tip’ with more ladies than I can remember.  Unfortunately, my conversion rate is not as high as I would like.

Just remember to be a soldier in there.  Being prepared mentally, not just physically, can truly win the battle.  And the friend who tells you, “I’m sure you will bang her next time bro, don’t worry”…that guy hasn’t been laid in 2 years, please don’t take his advice over mine.


Nice Ass, But is it Dynamic Enough?

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Sara Sloane

Industry Scoop…

Zero Tolerance Entertainment announced that Sara Sloane will be their newest contract girl. Yay!  She was previously performing under the name, Sarah Vandella.  That’s usually what I do when I start a new job…I drop a letter or two from my first name and bail entirely on my last name.  Swap something cool in, like the time I took a summer job at a grocery store in Detroit.  I went from Matthew Hanneman to Matt Lauer.  It was a genius move if you really stop to think about it.  Everyone would say, “Oh, Matt Lauer, like the news anchor?”.  I would reply, “No, Matt Lauer, like the grocery bagger”.

Sara Sloane is considered to be one of the most dynamic performers in the industry…by her rep’s.  My mom calls me twice a week to remind me how wonderful I am too, and always mentions my dynamic nature.  So the jury is still out on Sara Sloane to potentially be the biggest star in the industry, but I will concede on her hotness…lemme know what you think?