Category Archives: In The News

A Wrinkle In Time (Great Book, Awful Calendar)

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Boner = Gone…

Listen, I’m no ageist but this is a little much. I will always condone and advocate the publishing of calendars featuring scantily clad women, but I have to draw the line here. No one wants to see an 89 year-old woman in a bikini, no matter what month it is! Christiane Luckardt begs to differ, more importantly though, some moron calendar producer actually signed off on this. This is the problem with society, there are too many people thinking…and that is dangerous. The one positive note spilling over in this giant mess is the proceeds going to charity. Honestly, I feel genuinely sorry for this charity because they aren’t getting a dime. I’d hate to be the guy who has to explain that they spent $10,000 creating the calendars while revenues totaled 56 bucks. He will be looking for a new job, and won’t find one. There might be one person out there interested in the calendar: this guy.

Get Her Dick Hard (odd, but go with me here)

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Get That Spark Back!

Viagra for chicks! I will buy it for my girlfriend…when I get one. This is quite a developing story and I will be paying close attention. The ironic part of all of this is that the drug was originally produced as an anti-depressant, didn’t work, but managed to boost libido in most females. This is truly the beauty of science and I will continue to champion moves like this throughout the lab-coat world. Big ups to the doctors behind this discovery and I’m sure all of the boyfriends out there with dead-fish girlfriends will be all over this shit for their ladies. Science is good, be thankful.

This Guy Hates Sex…And He’s Rubbing It In

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Seriously?

Read an article this morning about a married couple that is having issues. The wife wants sex all the time…that’s the marital issue. So, umm, what’s the problem? Is this husband for real? What an ungrateful bastard. He should be kneeling beside his bed every evening thanking God for the gift he was given. Wives don’t want to fuck, girlfriends do…everyone knows that. They fuck you so that you ask them to marry you, then the sex stops. This guy finds the diamond in the rough and he is claiming it to be an “issue” – buck up cowboy and do the rest of the married men out there a favor. None of them are getting ass. They used to, and then they got married…

A Huge Dick Will Get The Girls, But Not A Job…

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Show me your penis…

Wanna be a cop in Indonesia? It’s always been a dream of mine, how about you? Well forget it if you’ve have your dick enlarged. There is a local technique that a lot of the islanders use to achieve the enlargement. They take the leaves of the gatal-gatal plant and wrap them around the penis. Apparently it turns your dick into a redwood tree. So, the beef that the police force has with the practice is that it acts as a nuisance during training. Imagine showing up to the police academy and the first question you are asked, “Have you tried giving yourself a horse dong? You’re outta here!” Way harsh man, way harsh.

Touch Them, It’s A God Damn Suicide Mission

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This is pure, uncut, 100%, potent and lethal danger.  This woman will kill you.  It’s not a question of how, but when.  It is pretty damn obvious how she will murder you.  Look at those boobs, they are the size of life rafts.  Who on Earth was dating this woman?  More importantly, who are his friends?  They are clearly shitty friends for not warning him of the danger-zone he was entering.  I wouldn’t go in there unless I was wearing the iron scuba suit that navy divers wore in the 1940’s.  Her boobs are biological weapons.  This is truly an alarming video, it should be played to all 6th grade boys gym classes in order to prevent future disasters.

Horror Lurking Behind Every Link On The Internet

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Like a supple flower…

I clicked on a link today that said, “Are my labia normal?”  This image [above] popped up on the new page and scared the crap out of me.  I jumped in my chair.  Now I know what you are thinking, “why did he click on that link?”, and the answer is that I click on everything.  I wanna know if my labia are normal and I wanna know now.  Okay, I know that I don’t have any labia, but I thought for sure I might see a close-up snatch shot…this is what I got.  There is nothing beautiful about that image, nothing.  I know it’s a flower but it’s really damn scary.

I Know One Chick Who Could Take That Down…

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Does anyone think this is offensive?  If you walked by this shop window and noticed the giant penis on display, would you really be that upset?  Apparently enough people in this tiny British village found it to be unnerving.  Personally, I think it serves as motivation for all men who happen to cruise by on the sidewalk.  And for women, my goodness, it could probably be instantaneously orgasm-inducing.  I thought the Euros were all about this sort of thing.  They run some wild programs on public television and on paper seem to be light years ahead of Americans in the sexually enlightened department.  Perhaps the old guard found it to be truly gross in nature and demanded that the giant penis statue be taken down from the window.  If I had that thing, I would put it on my desk as a paperweight…then again, I work at NudeReviews and most people would probably want their picture taken with it a la Santa Claus at the mall.  That thing is like the cock version of Easter Island statues.  Imagine that; had Captain Cook landed on Easter Island and instead of giant head statues…penises.  Penis upon giant penis lining the beach; I would have freaked.