Category Archives: Fetish

Mix It Up This Weekend…You’ve Got 3 Days

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Super Weekend…

Three-day weekends are special, like a stripper that actually is working to pay for college. I am always excited when a three-day weekend sneaks up on me, because traditional Mondays suck and an extra Sunday is like getting a double-blowjob. Treasure this weekend and make the best of it, watch plenty of porn and masturbate freely. No one is holding you back, this is your three-day weekend and don’t let anyone take it from you. Hit a bar, or a club, trim your ball hair, gargle. All of these steps will be beneficial over the course of the weekend, trust me.

A Wrinkle In Time (Great Book, Awful Calendar)

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Boner = Gone…

Listen, I’m no ageist but this is a little much. I will always condone and advocate the publishing of calendars featuring scantily clad women, but I have to draw the line here. No one wants to see an 89 year-old woman in a bikini, no matter what month it is! Christiane Luckardt begs to differ, more importantly though, some moron calendar producer actually signed off on this. This is the problem with society, there are too many people thinking…and that is dangerous. The one positive note spilling over in this giant mess is the proceeds going to charity. Honestly, I feel genuinely sorry for this charity because they aren’t getting a dime. I’d hate to be the guy who has to explain that they spent $10,000 creating the calendars while revenues totaled 56 bucks. He will be looking for a new job, and won’t find one. There might be one person out there interested in the calendar: this guy.

My Journey Through This Life Is Complete…

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Tori Black

Heaven…

I saw Tori Black’s right tit (her right, my left) from roughly 12 feet away and it was undeniably the highlight of my weekend. Exxxotica was a blast and if you didn’t make it, boooooo. There were girls every which way you looked and most of them scantily clad for your viewing pleasure. Sunday was very low-key but Alexis Texas managed to brighten up the convention center with a kick-ass roller derby outfit straight out of the ’70’s; purple and gold, amazing. The girls were extremely nice and everyone was smiling, except Jenna Haze, who continues to have that ‘bad mustard’ look…what is that?!

Road Trip: Destination Tits and Ass!

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Smile…

If you are within a 200 mile radius of Miami Beach, Fl – get your ass to Exxxotica, 5 minutes ago. This is your chance to meet all of those hotties you drool over constantly. No shame, I drool too. So get off of your ass and get on the Florida Turnpike or I-95 and head south. This really is a convention for the fans, and at Nude Reviews we love the fans more than any other site. You guys make the industry what it is and without you we’d have nothing. To the victor go the spoils…so go get your picture taken with Jayden James or Tori Black or any other amazingly hot girl from the adult industry. Remember, boners are encouraged and condoned there :p

Who Wants To Get A Boner Tonight?

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Tori Tori Tori…

Tori Black will be chatting live tonight on ImLive.com and I think that anyone who reads this post should click here and get their ass signed up for a membership. This is one of those rare opportunities and you would be remiss to sit this one out. Tori is as good as it gets and one of these days she will come to her senses and finally call me back. I’m not sweating it, we had a good thing going for a while but we went our separate ways…

This Is Straighter Than A Straight Line

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Is the Eiffel Tower gay? And I am talking about the sexual maneuver, not the hunk of metal in Paris. I feel strongly that this move, requiring two guys and one girl, is not in any way gay. Back me up here people. The debate raged on in my office for over an hour, and apparently I am the only one who felt this way. Am I gay? I doubt it, but my entire office might be homophobic. The Eiffel Tower is one of those rare moments in sex history when two men must seize the day and take advantage of this glorious opportunity presented before them. And just remember, afterward, you will be overcome with elation but don’t kiss the girl…she had your friend’s dick in her mouth. Kissing her would be super gay.

Soap, Ass, 3-D Glasses…My Weekend Is Set!

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Happy Friday. I will most likely be drunk in about 2 hours, so what I am about to say at this moment is of the utmost important. Follow my footsteps, there will be plenty of porn to look at when you get back from the bar, or even tomorrow. It is the weekend. I want you to go bang some strange ass, super strange in fact. Get up in there and do the things they only write about…you know what I’m talking about. I have provided a glimpse (above) to give you a step in the right direction. And remember, if it looks dodgy, chances are that it probably is…just double-bag it.

My Favorite Position Reveals Nothing! Nothing!

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As long as I can bust…

I am a butt man, sure. I am also a tits guy, so…where do I fall on this list? After reading through the article I realized that I am a combination of several of these rankings. If I were backed into a corner however, I would have to say #5 (the lazy man that likes cowgirl). Does that make me a bad lay? I doubt it, it just means that I admire a woman’s breasts and ass, and like to be able to grab them both while having sex, all while sitting on my couch. Is that awful? No, it’s economical and advantageous for me. I won’t get tired as a result and probably last longer. When I get behind a girl it is reminiscent of Christmas morning. I cannot be expected to contain myself and will probably blow a load in 12 seconds. Call me lazy, fine; but my experiences have shown that letting her ride one out on top is just fine and dandy. She will be happy and I can most likely still keep one eye on SportsCenter…