Vampire BJ…Yes
All of you straight men out there who secretly want a blowjob from Edward of Twilight, your prayers have been answered. Okay, I’m joking. But I know a lot of you want a blowjob from a vampire chick…so, go buy this!
Monthly Archives: March 2010
Prom Canceled…Mississippi Still The Worst State Ever
Mississippi Blows…
Of course this would only happen in Mississippi. They just outlawed slavery last year and I think women will get to vote in 2011. Come on Mississippi! What’s the big deal? You are perfectly fine with allowing gambling; but same-sex prom dates are a major no-no? Frankly, this will not fly with me. First, I love girl-girl action, and second, aren’t there bigger issues on your plate. How about addressing one of the worst public school systems in the country or cutting down on your incest rate, which I am sure ranks near the top.
Constance McMillen (above) petitioned the high school, asking for permission to bring another girl as her date. The school board responded by canceling the prom. I cannot think of a more absurd reaction for the school board to have taken. This is 2010. I suppose that notion has not yet reached Fulton, Mississippi. I can only hope that Connie’s fellow students have rallied behind her instead of blaming her for the prom shutdown. Constance is 18, so I am putting her picture up on the blog, and hopefully the ACLU gets shit done. Something tells me that there are not too many ACLU members reading this blog though…
Grab The Wheel, I Need To Shave My Pubes…
In a hurry…
I have never been in a car accident. But I must admit, if I am going to be rear-ended by another vehicle, I hope it goes something like this. A Florida woman was driving her Thunderbird in Key West and rammed into the back of a truck. She wasn’t paying attention to the road because she was trimming her pubes. That is the epitome of multitasking and I must applaud her efforts. Thankfully, no one was hurt. At what point do you decide to snip the bush while driving in the car? This is a first for me, I have never heard of anyone grooming downstairs while behind the wheel. The woman told police she was tidying up before she met her boyfriend. I hope this boyfriend doesn’t dismiss the dedication of his lady to make him happy. She is making the ultimate sacrifice and I think she deserves a prize. Unfortunately, the only thing she got was a trip to jail because she was driving with a suspended license and the week prior to the bush-wreck she got a D.U.I.
And what about this boyfriend? Is he still waiting for his perfectly trimmed girlfriend? I wonder if Florida allows conjugal visits…this lady will have all the time in the world to shave her box now.
Have These Hallowed Grounds Become Tainted?
Smart Kids need porn too…
There is always going to be one dickhead in the room, to spoil the fun. Princeton University students are staring at equations and 18th Century Russian literature all day, trying to figure out whether to become a doctor or lawyer, or take some other route to millionaire status. If they want to relax and watch a little porn, just let them. The student government recently granted $1,500 to a newly formed group on campus called Let’s Talk Sex (LeTS). The group was planning to schedule a screening of clips from porn films, followed by discussion and a guest speaker representing the industry. This idea has been filibustered by a growing number of online petitioners, now totaling 223. Most of the signatures are from alumni however, and I really think they should just keep quiet. A guy on the editorial board of Princeton’s school newspaper started this whole blockade, and I must say, he seems to be rather douche-like. What’s the big deal? If there is one set of college kids that can handle watching porn…it’s Ivy Leaguers. This is not going to stain the fabric of Princeton University for decades to come. It is a whole bunch of diddly-poo and it has me rather miffed. Yea, I said miffed.
Porn Cannot Hide…But Why Should It Have To?
Porn Detector…
This is bullshit. Who created this device? I bet Apple had something to do with it, they truly hate porn. Basically this USB stick goes into a computer and finds all of the porn like a cyberspace bloodhound. It is a police dog for your hard drive and I do not approve. Parents concerned that their children are on the computer too often and must be hiding porn, now have a solution. I think this notion is bogus. Be thankful that your child is on the computer looking at porn and not in the woods or under a bridge mainlining heroin with their buddies. It’s an easy decision in my mind. Let the teens look for porn and not drug dealers. If you catch your 14 year old son masturbating in the kitchen while you have dinner guests, then yes, we have a problem on our hands. Allow the internet porn surfing to continue, just monitor it closely, but not too close…that could get weird.
She Doesn’t Even Need Clothes, I Like It
Let’s just hope that this trend doesn’t continue downstairs…if ya know what I mean.
P-P-P-Poke-Her Face, P-P-P-Poke-Her Face…
She’s a freak and I love it…
Lady GaGa should just do a porno and get it over with. There are far too many provocative photos and videos circling the interwebs for her to decline. What’s the big deal? She could shoot the whole thing in one weekend and it would probably crash every server at every porn outfit across the land. This thing could generate big bucks and I really think she would do it. She could even wear one of those decorative headmasks through the whole scene. I haven’t even thought of the penis angle yet either. If you didn’t know already, there is a 37% chance that Lady GaGa is a hermaphrodite. I cannot make this stuff up. This basically cements her versatility in the adult entertainment industry. Lady GaGa would crush Kimber James on the tranny circuit. How many hit singles or Grammy awards does one artist need? Get out there and make a porno, Lady GaGa, you can still dress like a circus clown and make creepy-ass music videos…we will just add one porno to your resume.
Bath Tubs Suck…Well At Least They Do Now
I’m up next…
I know what you’re asking yourself. Is this the Nude Reviews shower? The answer is, yes. I don’t shower at my apartment anymore; I come to work and shower every morning with these gals. It’s not easy, but somebody has got to do it. It was was a packed house this morning so I waited my turn, no big deal. This is every man’s dream, whether they admit it or not; to wake up and walk into the bathroom and see an event like this unfolding. It builds character and can also lead to a productive work day. This shower deserves all of the credit for the sky-rocketing productivity levels at Nude Reviews. Human Resources had their doubts, but after the numbers came in…the reports didn’t lie. This was the single greatest move in office history. The idea was simple, we basically never wanted a female to feel as though she wasn’t getting her entire body clean. Those hard-to-reach places can wreak havoc on a girl’s personal hygiene and we were not about to let that happen anymore. With constant monitoring these girls are fresher than ever, and I think all parties involved are pleased with the results.