i Like To Pleasure Myself…Any Place Will Suffice



20% of iPhone users watch porn on their device.  That seems too low for me.  I would seriously have expected that number to be substantially higher.  Somewhere in the 65% range sounds about right to me.  I am using simple deduction here folks.  The iPhone is basically a pocket-sized laptop, and people watch porn on computers…catch my drift?  I am gonna take a new poll, hit the streets and get down to brass tacks.  I know there are millions of people watching porn on their iPhones right now!  I had a guy in my office tell me that he jerked off in class once, and this way way before smartphones hit the market.  I have to assume that now, with the iPhone in every tweens pocket around the globe, that these youngsters are rubbing it out every chance they get.  If I had an iPhone in high school it would have led to my expulsion.  My sperm count would have been -3.

So I say keep up the good work Apple, Blackberry and Palm.  Because of you, I will naturally assume that every corner in every classroom, train, bus, airplane and car has been spooged upon.  I’m cool with it though, it can become one of those things where people say, “hey, it’s 2009…lighten up”.  Remember when girls were dressing like jazzercise prostitutes in 1990, it was cool because people defended it with, “hey, it’s the 90’s, get a clue”.

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